You do not need me to explain the Fourth of July to you. You have been to a parade. You know how they work. So I want to be specific about what is different here: participation rate is 100%, it is an all-day festivus, it is like celebrating Christmas in Whoville.
In most places a parade is a thing you watch. Here it is a thing you are in. Half the town is driving something down the street, and the other half is standing on the curb cheering. I personally prefer to participate in a vehicle. So, we dress up the Bushwagon, my 1982 Jeep Wagoneer, and load it with kids to hurl candy and toys with no real clear strategy. The parade sets off at 10:00 in the morning. Get your spot before then. Also, at least my car tends to be unable to save anything long enough to get to the end. So, if you really want candy, you want to camp on the south side of town.
At some point after the parade the Air Force flies over. Obviously this is awesome. After the parade there is a reading of the Declaration of Independence at the Hinsdale County Museum. I am not much of a reader. So, it is nice to be read to.
Then everybody walks over to Town Park at Third and Silver, and from about 11:00 until 3:00 the games run. There is a foot race. There is a sack race. There is an egg toss. And there is the shoe kick. The best strategy is to be in an age group that only has three participants. Then you win every time. Also, you are probably not as young as you think you are and should stretch first, even for the egg toss.
I have done deep analysis on the shoe kicking. First off, it is dangerous to be in the audience. Second, do not kick the shoe straight up. This is a common mistake. Third, I think the hiking boot might be the most effective shoe. Fourth, as with all the events, style is extremely important.
At 3:00: Ducky Derby. Billions of rubber ducks get dumped into Henson Creek up by the ice park and they float down through town to the gazebo at Memorial Park. A duck is $5, or five of them for $20, and you can buy them at the Visitor Center or the Country Store or from a table in the park that day. First place pays $500. Second pays $250, third pays $125, last place pays $50.
At 4:00 there is BINGO in the park, which will feel familiar if you have already done BINGO at the Armory with us.
A few practical things. This is the busiest day of the year in Lake City by a wide margin, so if you are coming for it, book your lodging early — and I mean months, not weeks. Parking around the park fills up, but the town is small enough that parking four blocks away is not a real hardship. There are restrooms and water at the park. And no dogs are allowed in Town Park, which catches people out every year, so make a plan for your furry friends.
Come for the whole day. It is worth it.
